Contact Order
Disputes over contact are, sadly, some of the most bitter Court cases, and all too often it does appear the dispute is between the parents rather than about what's best for the child. Communication and trust are normally the key, both a major problem when a couple split up acrimoniously. For this reason, the Courts and the Legal Services Commission have strongly encouraged mediation (in its various forms) and this has been enormously successful.
The general rule - that is to say, the opinion of the experts, the people who write books about this and the judges who deal with cases day by day - is that contact with an absent parent is vital for a child to maintain his/her sense of identity as part of growing up as a whole being. There is, in short, a presumption that contact will be in the child's best interests and Courts will normally order contact save in exceptional circumstances. They will also be prepared to make sure that their orders actually work.
There is, however, an important exception - where violence has occurred or still is occurring between the parents. Research has shown the terrible effects upon children of witnessing violence in their home, even if they have not been physically affected or even present. Violence is our modern nightmare.
Where violence has occurred and may be relevant, a Court will have to look at it very seriously to decide what did happen; what effects it has had; at the parents' attitude to what has happened; and their abiltiy to recognise its significance.
Contact can take many forms. With very small children, 'little and often' is the guideline. For many families with school age children, the norm is for them to spend every other weekend with the other parent, and a fair amount of time at holidays. Of course, for families who live far apart, this may not be possible, but letters, telephone calls and photographs may be exchanged as forms of 'indirect contact'. Where there are reasons for limiting contact because of fears of violence, a Court may order indirect contact for a while.
If contact cannot take its normal form, perhaps because of serious concerns about the other parent, it may still be possible at one of the many voluntary Contact Centres that have sprung up across the country, for whom many people will be eternally grateful.
'Supervision' is a difficult issue. Sometimes the mother may insist that the father's contact be supervised because she is worried about her child's safety. It may or may not be justified. Social Services have scant resources, especially at weenend and they may well say it's none of their business. Maybe a family member or friend could help out short term. It is important that both parents act sensibly and call for help only when needed.