All Family Mediation Council (FMC) registered mediators are trained to help parents make the transition from being a couple to being separated parents in the best way for their children and put their children at the centre of decision-making. Mediators also provide information about what support children might need when parents separate and signpost parents to support they may need. Child inclusive mediation is one method of ensuring the well-being of your children during this process.

What is meant by ‘Child Inclusive Mediation’?

Child inclusive mediation does not mean ascertaining the children’s views in a legal sense but it means that children can tell the professionals helping their parents what they want them to consider or know when decisions are being made that affect them. The mediator will feedback only what the child wants to convey to the parents.

This type of mediation gives the child a voice and an opportunity to tell their concerns and worries whilst their parents are in mediation, this means the child won’t feel pressured or as if they have to take sides. It is aligned with The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child and The Children’s Act 1989.

Why choose Child Inclusive Mediation?

Child-inclusive mediation can be hugely important as:

  • Children who are aware of conflict do not always tell their parents what they think.
  • Children do not always have the opportunity to tell both parents what they think at the same time; it is common for a child to tell the parents what they think they want to hear and, therefore, tell them different things.
  • Children often focus on keeping the peace and do not always have the space to think about their own views or feelings.
  • A parent who is focused on a child’s well-being, although well-meaning, is not always in an impartial place to convey the child’s wishes and feelings as the child may wish to the other parent or the mediator.

As part of the mediation process, where a mediator is helping the parents and the child is to be included in the mediation, the mediator will work with another mediator who is specially trained to work with the child and who will provide feedback in the joint sessions with the parents.

When would I not choose Child Inclusive Mediation?

A qualified mediator should undertake an initial assessment of suitability. There are circumstances where child inclusive mediation would not be considered appropriate/in a child’s best interests. However, it is difficult to generalise as each situation should be assessed individually. Some instances could be:

  • Where the child is under the age of ten
  • Where there are clear signs of the child being abused
  • If child services are involved
  • If both parents cannot agree on using child inclusive mediation
  • The child has either emotional or cognitive understanding that would make the situation hard for them to understand, therefore not in their best interests.

Comment

It is clear to see that child inclusive mediation can be a beneficial way for parents to hear their child’s views and for the child to also get their point across but without the fear of being pressurised.

It’s important to remember that decisions should be made by the parents but with the child’s wishes and feelings in mind. Research shows us that children do not want to have to make choices.

If you’d like to learn more about this topic, watch our live chat with child councillor Amanda Hitchin on Instagram here.

If you have any queries on the above subject, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us on 01206 217588 or complete our online enquiry form.